his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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