she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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