I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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