i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
