She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
