Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
