Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
