I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
