my mouth tastes like poor choices
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
