I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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