Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
