so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
