i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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