So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
