hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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