got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
