The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
