Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Sext me about skeletons
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm too high and old for this...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
