worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
