I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
