Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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