no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
