Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
