Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
