i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
