The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
