She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
