All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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