We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
