Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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