carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
