So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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