she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
