your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
