if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
