I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
