Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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