Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
