He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
