remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
