Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
