I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
