What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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