dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
