in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
