what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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