Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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