i think my tv is drunk
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
