as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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