I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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