dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
