Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
